WEBVTT

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Coercive control is what underpins

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domestic and sexual violence.

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It's manipulative,
controlling, coercive behaviors

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that give one person power over another.

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It's using all the different types
of abuse

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to give a sense of threat
within a situation, within a relationship.

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So the person knows that if they do not
comply, those threats will be realized.

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They will experience physical violence.

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They will experience sexual violence
and abuse or emotional

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psychological violence or abuse.

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It's really manipulative
and it can be quite difficult to spot,

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but it's all those everyday coercions
that reduce somebody's sense of freedom.

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It reduces their independence,

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and means that they have
very little agency over their life.

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So there's a number of features
we see during this drama that indicate

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domestic violence.

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It's her very initial response

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when that message comes through from her
husband.

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And that switch from

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being very professional within a meeting
to actually suddenly

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feeling very disempowered, anxious,
really quite concerned.

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It's a relatively innocuous message,

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but it obviously speaks volumes to Maria

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and tells her
that things aren't going to be okay

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if the house isn't clean,
if the house isn't tidy,

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if everything isn't as it should be,
when her husband gets home.

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So we see that kind of level of fear
and anxiety creep into her demeanor.

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We then see her changing her appearance.

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She's changing her clothes.

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She's changing her makeup
because her husband,

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we assume, objects to her wearing
perhaps clothes

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that are brighter or more modern,
or perhaps might attract more attention.

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She's having to kind of diminish herself
physically.

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She's also then rushing round and doing
all this cleaning within the house.

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And that's probably because there are
rules about how the house has to be,

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that it has to be clean
and tidied in a very particular way.

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This isn't about neatness.

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It's not about tidiness.

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It's actually about him having control
over her within the home environment.

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This is someone who has been controlled

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and coerced into these behaviors
over years.

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And Maria will be clear what will happen
if she doesn't do this housework.

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She will be clear
what the punishment will be

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if Michael comes home
and actually things are in any disarray.

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So she knows that
there will be punishments if she doesn't

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comply to the rules
that he is enforcing and demanding.

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Victim survivors

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think about making a disclosure
over a long period of time.

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But to say out loud
or to write down on paper

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that this is what you're experiencing
suddenly makes it that much more real,

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and it takes an enormous amount of courage
to reach that point.

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She will have thought about this
probably for years,

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but she's obviously reached the point
where this is somebody she trusts,

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where Sara is, someone she feels
I could have this conversation with.

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And this may be
what I need at this moment in time.

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Sara is probably going to worry

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that she's not going to give the perfect
response.

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The truth is, she doesn't need to.

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She just needs to give a kind
and human response.

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It’s all any of us need when we're trying
to tell someone something difficult.

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She just needs to know
this is someone she can trust

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who is going to keep
the information confidential,

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who is

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going to care about what she says,
who's going to acknowledge what she says,

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believe her, support her, and perhaps
follow up with her over a period of time.

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When you're receiving a disclosure,
you're never ready.

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You never feel completely prepared
because you never know what the person

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is actually going to say.

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So, Sara, may be pleased
that Maria has made

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the disclosure, has continued

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to make the disclosure and knowing
that she can offer that support.

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But she's also probably going
to feel quite nervous.

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And that's entirely natural.

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This is an unfamiliar circumstance.

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She then has to be patient,
which is tricky

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because Maria may take months.

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She might take years

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to consider what she wants to do next
and to make those choices and decisions.

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But actually, Sara continuing to offer
that,

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‘let's have a monthly catch up’,
that kind of passing in the corridor.

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‘How are you?

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Are you okay?
How are things at the moment?’.

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That's enormously important

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to victim survivors,
to know that the possibility is there.

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But sitting with that,
Sara, can be an uncomfortable experience.

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It's not a neat beginning to end scenario.

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You don't offer support, the person
gets support, the situation ends.

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Domestic and sexual violence
is much more complicated than that.

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But it's about sticking with someone

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and keeping the channels
of communication open.