Recognize
the signs
There is no 'typical' victim-survivor of domestic violence, and many myths and stereotypes about who experiences it. In reality, anyone can experience domestic violence, though women and young adults are statistically at higher risk. Victim-survivors are often stereotyped, in society and by the media, as coming from lower-income or 'dysfunctional' families. These harmful stereotypes can silence those from higher-income households, like Maria, who may suffer in silence due to shame or fear of judgment and reputational damage in their personal lives or at work.
Maria is experiencing coercive control: a pattern of behaviours involving threats, humiliation, and intimidation intended to harm, punish, control, and/or instill fear. How can we determine if Maria's relationship is abusive rather than simply a challenging relationship? The key differentiators are power and fear. There is a power imbalance, and Maria feels scared, worrying about the consequences of not complying, her husband's potential actions, and the impact of ending the relationship. Maria is anxious about her husband returning home, having changed her clothes, removed her makeup, and cleaned the house. These actions indicate that she feels she must follow certain rules out of fear of 'punishments,' which may include physical, sexual, psychological, or economic. For example, her husband might prevent her from seeing friends, break her belongings, or monitor her communications. As a result, Maria has lost her ability to make choices and is controlled in her daily activities.
Domestic violence is harmful, and Maria may be facing poor mental health, including anxiety and depression, and problems with her physical health. Her relationships may be strained, especially if her husband has sabotaged them, leading to isolation. Maria may be on 'high alert' and may struggle with low self-esteem and trust issues, even with family, friends, and colleagues. Maria is probably trying hard not to let her experiences at home impact her work. However, she may still struggle to concentrate at work, make more frequent mistakes, or sometimes need to redo tasks. As a result, Maria may feel the need to work extra hours to avoid drawing attention at work. Maria may also feel the need to send work emails very early in the morning or late at night, possibly to manage her workload around the challenges at home.
Maria's colleagues may notice that her emails sometimes arrive at unusual hours, and that she appears more anxious 'when working from home'. They may observe that she cancels meetings at short notice and is distracted by her phone ringing. Maria may have become quieter and more withdrawn, avoiding social activities with colleagues. She may take days off at very short notice, and when colleagues ask, Maria may struggle to explain why.