Respond
with empathy
Maria's job may give her financial independence and help to build her self-confidence. Although her husband's behaviour may negatively impact how she feels about herself, work may offer her a sense of satisfaction and self-worth. For Maria, coming into the office may offer temporary relief and she may feel it is a safer space. The workplace could be a location to access information about domestic violence and specialist support away from her husband's control. If her husband has restricted her social interactions with friends and family, she may feel lonely, and her colleagues may be the only people she has contact with; they could offer her companionship, understanding, and support during this challenging time.
Like many victim-survivors, Maria may feel scared and nervous about disclosing her experiences. Maria may not recognize her experiences as domestic violence; she may simply know that something is wrong. If this is her first time sharing, it represents a significant step in breaking the silence and shame, allowing her to seek support. Victim-survivors often value supportive listening and practical help. Maria may appreciate Sara's empathy and understanding as she listens attentively and asks gentle questions. It may be unhelpful for Sara to label Maria's experiences as 'domestic violence' or as 'abusive' - she may not be ready for this yet. By respecting Maria's choices and going at her pace, Sara helps her feel in control. Additionally, Sara provides practical support by sharing information about workplace resources and external specialist services - it is Maria's choice whether to pursue the available support. Sara's offer to continue the conversation reinforces her support and availability, reassuring Maria that help is available when she is ready.
Sara may worry about saying the wrong thing, but a supportive response doesn't need to be perfect. During their conversation, Sara conveys important messages: Maria matters, Sara believes her, the abuse is not Maria's fault, and Sara wants to help. By focusing on Maria's thoughts, feelings, and needs, Sara creates a supportive environment. If Sara suspects something is wrong but Maria hasn't reached out, Sara should ensure they are in a private setting and approach the conversation gently and without judgment. Starting with a general question like, “Is everything okay outside of work?” can encourage Maria to share. Sara might also gently mention changes in Maria's behavior, such as, “You don't seem like yourself; are you alright?” This approach fosters trust and opens the door for Maria to share her experiences.
If Maria were to tell Sara that she was at risk of serious harm or threat to life, Sara would need to break confidentiality and escalate her concerns so that other people (and possibly the police) were involved in responding appropriately. In such situations, confidentiality can be broken in order to preserve life.