Respond
with empathy
After the assault, Maggie may find her job a helpful distraction, providing respite from intrusive flashbacks and memories. The work environment might offer a sense of familiarity and safety, and colleagues could potentially help to reduce Maggie’s feelings of disconnection. Since Maggie interacts daily with her colleagues, they may notice changes in her behavior, creating an opportunity for them to offer support.
Like many victim-survivors, Maggie may feel scared and nervous about disclosing her experiences. Sexual violence is rarely disclosed – it is the most stigmatized form of violence and abuse. Victim-survivors feel a strong sense of shame, and they often feel that other people will not believe them and will, instead, judge them. Victim-survivors often value supportive listening and practical help. Maggie may appreciate her colleague’s offer of a conversation, and encouragement to talk. It would be helpful for her colleague to show empathy and understanding as she listens and asks gentle questions. By respecting Maggie’s choices and going at her pace, this may help Maggie feel in control. Her colleague can assist Maggie by providing practical support, sharing information about workplace resources and external specialist services (including information about medical support, if needed) - it is Maggie’s choice whether to pursue the available support. Offering to continue the conversation will reinforce that help is available when she is ready.
Maggie’s colleague may worry about saying the wrong thing, but a supportive response does not need to be perfect. During their conversation, Maggie’s colleague can convey important messages: Maggie matters, she believes Maggie, the sexual assault is not Maggie’s fault, and she wants to help. By focusing on Maggie’s thoughts, feelings, and needs, she can create a supportive environment. If her colleague suspects something is wrong, but Maggie has not reached out, she should ensure they are in a private setting and approach the conversation gently and without judgment. Starting with a general question like, “I’m worried about you; has something happened?” can encourage Maggie to share. She might also gently mention changes in Maggie’s behavior, such as, “You seem distressed, I’d like to help”. This approach fosters trust and opens the door for Maggie to share her experiences.
If Maggie were to tell her colleague that she was at risk of serious harm or threat to life, her colleague would need to break confidentiality and escalate her concerns so that other people (and possibly the police) were involved in responding appropriately. In such situations, confidentiality can be broken in order to preserve life.