Respond
with empathy
Anna’s job may help her self-confidence. Leo’s daily attacks may undermine how she feels about herself, and work may give Anna a sense of satisfaction and self-worth. For Anna, coming into the office may offer temporary relief, and she may feel it is a safer space. The workplace could be a location to access information about domestic violence and specialist support away from Leo’s control. If Leo has restricted her social interactions with friends and family, she may feel lonely, and her colleagues may be the only people she has contact with; they could offer her companionship, understanding, and support during this challenging time.
Like many victim-survivors, Anna may feel scared and nervous about disclosing her experiences. Anna may not recognize her experiences as economic abuse or domestic violence; she may simply know that something is wrong. If this is the first time Anna is considering sharing, it would be a significant step in breaking the silence and shame, allowing her to seek support. Victim-survivors often value supportive listening and practical help. Anna may appreciate her colleague’s offer of a conversation, encouraging Anna to talk when she is ready. It would be helpful for her colleague to show empathy and understanding as she listens and asks gentle questions. By respecting Anna's choices and going at her pace, this may help Anna to feel in control. Her colleague can assist Anna by providing practical support, sharing information about workplace resources and external specialist services – it is Anna’s choice whether to pursue the available support. Offering to continue the conversation will reinforce her support and availability, reassuring Anna that help is available when she is ready.
Anna’s colleague may worry about saying the wrong thing, but a supportive response doesn’t need to be perfect. If they were to have a conversation, Anna’s colleague can convey important messages: Anna matters, she believes Anna, the abuse is not Anna’s fault, and she wants to help. By focusing on Anna’s thoughts, feelings, and needs, she can create a supportive environment. If her colleague suspects something is wrong, but Anna hasn't reached out, she should ensure they are in a private setting and approach the conversation gently and without judgment. Starting with a general question like “You seem different lately are you okay?” can encourage Anna to share. She might also gently mention changes in Anna’s behavior, such as, “We haven’t seen you at lunch recently, we miss spending time with you” This approach fosters trust and opens the door for Anna to share her experiences.
If Anna were to tell her colleague that she was at risk of serious harm or threat to life, her colleague would need to break confidentiality and escalate her concerns so that other people (and possibly the police) were involved in responding appropriately. In such situations, confidentiality can be broken in order to preserve life.